The Kathryn Janeway Alternative Fanfic Archives

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I know that everyone believes I should be with Chakotay. If we're talking equality of rank, right now he's my only equal, tho' I must admit Tuvok is closing in on that territory. If I were to go by experience, well again that race is neck and neck between Chakotay and Tuvok.

The problem is, for as handsome, warm, and wonderful as Chakotay is, he's just not my type. Granted, I have feelings for the man, but I honestly cannot see myself spending the rest of my life out here in the Delta Quadrant with him. He's too...oh, what's the word I'm looking for...too safe. Chakotay would be a very safe relationship. And quite frankly, I'm not into that. I had a safe relationship with Mark. I don't need another one.

Don't get me wrong, dear diary. I love Chakotay, I love him dearly. But he's just not my type. If we'd been stranded for the rest of our lives back on New Earth, I'd have given in to the feelings I felt for him....willingly. But once we'd returned, I realized I didn't feel as strongly for him romantically as he did for me. We've worked on that. I think it's finally settled and we are as we should be: the best of friends and colleagues.

Now the difficult thing is, I'm not really sure who I'd choose to enter into a relationship with. At this point in my life, I would have to think that for a more balanced relationship, it would have to be someone of my senior staff. This affords me few choices, but probably better choices in the end. My senior staff understands what it is to work as I do. Each one has his or her own unique merits to bring to the relationship. Whether they have feelings for me is technically moot at this point, as I don't see myself exploring these relationships any farther than within your pages, dear diary.

And I do intend to explore them, dear diary, in great detail when possible. And perhaps what I write here on these pages will help me to learn just who it is my heart belongs to. Perhaps not.

All I know is that it will be one hell of a ride to figure it out....

Kathryn

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